Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
