The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
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That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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