i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
