Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
