Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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