If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
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I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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