The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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