tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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