I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
