I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
