just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
