The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
