I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
