spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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