i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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