I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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