The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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