Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
