We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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