How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
