I like to think it a success when the cops are called
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
