i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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