whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
