The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
