the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
