im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
there's paper in my vomit.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
