how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
