I'm retarded. Again.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?