i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Floor bacon is actually really good