One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap