I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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