You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
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Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.