Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You just made me feel so damn special
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize
