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• (586): View more from Michigan

  You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You're ridiculous

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Your hot

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• (917): View more from New York City

  i puked in the mini-firdge

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we don't have a mini-fridge?

  (917): View more from New York City

  bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles

  (205): View more from Alabama

  for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.

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• (760): View more from California

  If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.

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