Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?

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(917 ): Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"? http://tfl.nu/0dpt

Replies (15) Good night (570) Bad night (2769)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I am spending my child support on dildos

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(405): I am spending my child support on dildos http://tfl.nu/j7aa

Replies (78) Good night (1244) Bad night (3996)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.

(1-443): View more from Maryland

Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.

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(443): Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain. (1-443): Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one. http://tfl.nu/00ky

Replies (38) Good night (3867) Bad night (1514)
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(515): View more from Iowa

I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.

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(515): I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy. http://tfl.nu/r54x

Replies (8) Good night (775) Bad night (5775)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"

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(859): he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots" http://tfl.nu/5st6

Replies (47) Good night (1279) Bad night (4316)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.

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(270): The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned. http://tfl.nu/9j2r

Replies (30) Good night (5375) Bad night (3575)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.

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(847): Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too. http://tfl.nu/lfcy

Replies (6) Good night (3639) Bad night (895)
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(406): View more from Montana

stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it

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(406): stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it http://tfl.nu/40em

Replies (8) Good night (699) Bad night (2271)
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(416): View more from Toronto

You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.

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(416): You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it. http://tfl.nu/a4tp

Replies (6) Good night (2972) Bad night (1241)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.

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(215): He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that. http://tfl.nu/u001

Replies (12) Good night (2037) Bad night (794)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.

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(919): Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side. http://tfl.nu/vqy8

Replies (6) Good night (2877) Bad night (564)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm

(1-757): View more from Virginia

Dick in a box?

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(757): Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm (1-757): Dick in a box? http://tfl.nu/x7sn

Replies (13) Good night (4528) Bad night (756)
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(317): View more from Indiana

I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.

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(317): I fell into his fridge. I want to leave. http://tfl.nu/ilpg

Replies (2) Good night (449) Bad night (381)
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(323): View more from California

Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Sure lol what's that?

(323): View more from California

Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Why?

(323): View more from California

Replies (3) Good night (772) Bad night (321)
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(989): View more from Michigan

Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.

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(989): Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/6s40

Replies (1) Good night (809) Bad night (245)