I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!