Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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