I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
