Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.