Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!

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  (617): Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out! http://tfl.nu/knp1
  Replies (3) Good night (764) Bad night (831)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?

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  (917): If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I? http://tfl.nu/azfj
  Replies (10) Good night (698) Bad night (1260)
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  (516): View more from New York

  the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"

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  (516): the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice" http://tfl.nu/bgbh
  Replies (18) Good night (3996) Bad night (1016)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  And?

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  (859): Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt (1-859): And? http://tfl.nu/z2de
  Replies (37) Good night (3841) Bad night (1117)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass

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  (860): I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass http://tfl.nu/kwec
  Replies (24) Good night (1512) Bad night (5304)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.

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  (703): I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup. http://tfl.nu/a2al
  Replies (13) Good night (695) Bad night (3408)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.

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  (214): Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake. http://tfl.nu/zq33
  Replies (47) Good night (1095) Bad night (6467)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar

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  (571): Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar http://tfl.nu/34wt
  Replies (6) Good night (4617) Bad night (1439)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.

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  (785): I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail. http://tfl.nu/ahrd
  Replies (5) Good night (853) Bad night (1953)
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  (831): View more from California

  i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something

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  (831): i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something http://tfl.nu/b053
  Replies (10) Good night (1678) Bad night (747)
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  (408): View more from California

  I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.

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  (408): I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility. http://tfl.nu/5lhi
  Replies (1) Good night (380) Bad night (488)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.

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  (416): I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home. http://tfl.nu/62h6
  Replies (5) Good night (761) Bad night (431)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR

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  (781): THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR http://tfl.nu/6l4g
  Replies (7) Good night (1825) Bad night (463)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Where'd you go last night?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.

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  (512): Where'd you go last night? (512): Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex. http://tfl.nu/hvgs
  Replies (3) Good night (960) Bad night (338)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.

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  (301): Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself. http://tfl.nu/vhoa
  Replies (1) Good night (955) Bad night (342)

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