Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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