Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
