I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
