Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if i can run in heels then i can drive
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
