I like my sex mixed with concussions.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
