Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
