Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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