happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
4 words: hood of his car
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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