Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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