You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
