I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
