This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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