there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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