His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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