Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
