hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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