i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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