Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
