his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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