woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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