you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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