This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
