hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You pole danced in your parka.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
