Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
