I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
