bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
