note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
