he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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