how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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