I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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