Ambien. No doubt about it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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