Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
