Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
